Celerity
by Malachite
Summary: Desperate for an escape from the anti-gay words at mass, an unstable Carlos retreats to the restroom. Playing with a ballpoint pen, he stares at his wrist and ponders doing something horrible to try and forget the other pain.  Eventually SLASH!
1. Chapter 1: Fallen

**Celerity: Chapter 1 - Fallen  
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**Author: Malachite**

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine. This story is.**

Carlos breathed heavily, clenching his fists tightly. His closely trimmed fingernails dug into his palms, denting the paler skin. It hurt. His heart hurt. It ached. It was killing him. This wasn't like LA, where he could leave all this behind. When he was in California, he wasn't weekly reminded that he…wasn't right. He could forget about all this crap and just have fun with his buds. He wasn't judged. He wasn't shunned. He felt accepted…loved even.

But here, people didn't always laugh at his antics. They didn't call his pranks "cute" or his dangerous stunts "adorable". He had liked being adored.

Now here he was, hiding in the restroom of the church. He'd been keeping track of the number of anti-gay things said from the pulpit at mass. He'd been up to seven and holding on, but the eighth time was a real killer. He slowly pulled out the cheap plastic ballpoint pen from his dress shirt pocket, twirling it slowly between the fingers of his right hand as he stared at the smooth vein-crossed skin of his left wrist. If Logan were here, he'd plead with him to get help. Kendall would call him stupid and probably wrestle him to the ground to stop him. James would probably wrap an arm around his shoulders and talk him out of it…or punch him.

But none of his band mates were here. He was all alone in the restroom stall, sitting on the toilet seat cover. He tilted his wrist from side to side, nervously tapping the pen against his leg. He couldn't believe what he was considering doing. It was stupid. It wouldn't solve anything. It would hurt. But still. He squeezed his eyes shut, hating how he felt. He hated how they all hated a part of him. He hated that he hated a part of himself.

He swallowed hard, unclenching his fist and slowly reaching into his pocket to slide out his cell phone. The pen slid to the ground, clacking hollowly on the tile as he wiped his hands on his crisp white dress shirt. It was probably wrong to be texting from the church bathroom, but it was probably more wrong to cut himself open and bleed all over in there. He tried to stop his hands from shaking too much as he texted a single word to three phone numbers: HELP.

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><p><strong><em>Author's Note: Yes, it's short, but I'm going to try write something in chapters for once. I'm on Chapter 5 now, and some Reviews and feedback would really help. Thanks!<br>_**


	2. Chapter 2: Heroes

**Celerity: Chapter 2 - Heroes**

**Author: Malachite**

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine. This story is.**

Carlos clutched his Bible to his chest as he walked between his mother and father into the Catholic Church's parking lot. His mother gently placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Aye, mi hijo, I told you not to eat a corn dog with your huevos rancheros!" she half-teased, half-scolded.

"Not to mention the extra beans!" Carlos' dad chuckled, punching his son playfully in the arm.

Carlos ducked his head, not really knowing what to say. He wasn't exactly a master of quick-witted thinking. Besides, being quiet and looking slightly embarrassed meant he didn't have to open his mouth and lie.

A relieved smile lit up Carlos' face as he saw the old car parked next to his father's truck. He almost got teary eyed as the two drivers' side windows rolled down to reveal Logan driving, Kendall in shotgun, and James in the backseat. His three best friends manically, goofy grins on their faces. All three were in their "Sunday's Best". James even had the hat Carlos affectionately called his "Jewish beanie" (which he never, ever wore because it messed up "The Hair").

"Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Garcia!" the three chirped in perfect harmony, flashing three dazzling smiles. No one could resist the combined charm of Big Time Rush.

Logan leaned out the window, motioning to his passengers. "We were all just heading out to lunch after church…"

"Synagogue!" James added.

"Could Carlos come with us?" Kendall asked, trying to look wide-eyed and innocent.

Carlos parents traded one of those parent glances with each other and Carlos bit his lower lip. Usually they had a big family lunch after church. It was a big deal with them.

"Please?" Logan added, adding in his patented puppy-dog eyes.

Kendall decided he had to step in and save the day as usual. "Uh, we'll all be talking about what we learned today in church?"

"Or synagogue." James added in a way that could be annoying if he didn't have The Smile turned all the way up to swoon-level, combined with his "I'm a good little Jewish boy" face.

Mrs. Garcia smiled widely, clasping the large golden crucifix around her neck. She turned to her husband. "Oh, that sounds wonderful!"

Mr. Garcia nodded slowly, stroking his goatee. "Okay, Carlitos, you can go, for today."

Carlos squealed happily, doing a little jig. He offered his Bible to his mother, who shook her head and pushed it back at him gently.

"You'll need that for your discussion, won't you?" she asked.

Carlos blinked quizzically, but then nodded rapidly. He quickly climbed into the car, climbing over James to sit behind Kendall. James caught his eye and winked at him, making Carlos grin.

"Oh yeah!" yelled Mr. Garcia, a hairy arm wrapped around his wife, "Show the boys that scripture we read when the priest talked about gay marriage in Canada." He said something else after that, hugging his wife and smiling merrily, but Carlos had mentally checked out.

Carlos choked, turning it into a cough. James frowned as he saw Carlos clench a fist tightly, fingernails digging into his palms. "Si, Papi."

As Logan rolled the windows up hurriedly, James reached over to grab Carlos' fist, unclenching it and sliding his fingers between the other boy's. He locked their fingers together, squeezing tightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note: Reviews? Feedback? It'll help me get out Chapter 5! Thanks everyone!<br>**_


	3. Chapter 3: Together

**Celerity: Chapter 3 - Together**

**Author: Malachite**

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine. This story is.**

As they drove off, Carlos let his Bible fall off his lap on to the soda-stained carpet, rubbing his forehead with the hand not currently being held by James. "Guys? Am I…disgusting? Do you hate me too?"

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck..." James growled under his breath, unbuckling his seatbelt and switching to the middle seat to wrap an arm around Carlos firmly and pull the boy firmly against his body.

Carlos made a soft whimpering noise as he leaned into James' embrace. "They had this little demonstration thing of a brother and a sister talking about the gay boy on this show, I mean it was obviously Glee, kissing his boyfriend and the teacher catching them, and they thought it was funny and sorry they missed it, but then their dad comes in and tells them scriptures and stuff, and then at the end the kids are all agreeing, and the girl says that it's bad, and the boy says it's disgusting, and I don't see how it's fornication if they're just kissing, and I just…God…" Carlos hung his head, face flushed with emotion and tears pouring down his cheeks. "Just…he was just kissing the guy he was dating…I…I even had to pretend to clap with everyone else at the end..." His voice broke off with a sob.

Logan pulled into the empty parking lot of a bank. He had to stop and wipe away the angry tears welling up in his eyes. Kendall was pale and gritting his teeth. He swore quietly and punched his fist into the armrest. James was just nodding slowly, rubbing the broken boy's shoulders.

Carlos yanked off his tie and shrugged out of his suit jacket, reddened eyes angry. "I don't get it! Just a kiss? Just dating? I mean, I can't even…"

Kendall turned around in his seat, placing a large hand on Carlos' knee. "Carlos, look at me." Carlos complied, simmering quietly as he stared into Kendall's determined green gaze. "It's gonna be okay, buddy. I promise."

Logan nodded, blowing his nose and trying to not sound and look too girly. He just couldn't stand all the crap that Carlos went through. "Yeah, and we don't think you're disgusting, and we don't hate you."

James frowned and gently ran his fingertips through Carlos' slicked-back hair, ruffling and teasing it into its usual spikier style. "And you survived all that crap." He violently slammed a fist against the car door, making Logan wince and Carlos jump slightly. "And that was some tough shit to get through."

Kendall nodded, rubbing Logan's shoulder and trying not to cry or freak out himself. His voice was in that dangerously low tone it got when he was about to wail on someone. "Carlos, no one should have to go through that. It's so fucked up!"

Unbuckling his seatbelt, Logan leaned on Kendall's shoulder, eyes closed as he swallowed hard. "I don't even think I could get through sitting through something like that. To have everyone, so many people told to hate you…" He shook his head, burying his face against Kendall's jacket.

James unbuckled the restraining seat belts and possessively clung to Carlos, telling himself it'd be a bad idea to punch a hole in poor Logan's car.

Carlos curled himself up against James, letting the pain, sadness, and anger drain slowly out of him as the muscular boy rubbed his back and held his hand tight. At least he knew he wasn't alone. "I'm glad," he said, voice scratchy and strained, "That I'm not the only one who thinks that was totally fucked up."

"But, why? Why do you keep hurting yourself, Carlos?" Kendall's brilliant green eyes pierced him with an imploring gaze, begging him to stop subjecting himself to such torture.

"I…I just…I mean, I have to…My family! I…" Carlos shook his head, then banged it backwards violently against the headrest until James stopped him forcefully.

"You don't have to answer that," James mumbled kindly, stroking Carlos' cheek gently and shooting Kendall a death glare.

Logan had finally composed himself. He turned around and gently patted Carlos' lap. "Hey…let's go anywhere you want for lunch, my treat."

Carlos smiled a tiny bit, a glimmer of his usual self flashing in his brown eyes. "Fun Factory?"

Logan nodded, smiling softly as he squeezed Carlos' leg. "Fun Factory it is." He cleared his throat as he slid back into his seat, buckling back up. "Seat belts everyone!"

"Safety first!" chorused the other three boys drolly, before bursting into stress-relieving laughter.

Carlos couldn't help but grin as he snapped his seatbelt back on. His three best friends loved him…and that was enough to get him through today. Plus, eight corn dogs at Fun Factory sounded perfect right about now.

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><p><strong><em>Author's Note: Please Review and leave feedback. It's the motivation for me to work on the next chapter! Thanks to everyone who already has left a Review, and remember, it's okay to leave a Review on every chapter!<br>_**


	4. Chapter 4: Endurance

**Celerity: Chapter 4 - Endurance**

**Author: Malachite**

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine. This story is.**

Carlos jumped up on the skee ball ramp, doing a little hip-thrusting victory dance. "Dude, I rock at this!"

Kendall crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, blowing his bangs in exasperation. "Yeah, yeah…hey, I gotta take a piss, I'll be right back."

"Oh hey, I gotta go too!" Carlos jumped down, snatching his tickets out of the machine and shoving them in the pocket of his slacks haphazardly. "Too much soda."

Kendall nodded thoughtfully, then grabbed Carlos arm and pulled him into the nearby restroom. Carlos was too shocked to say or do anything as Kendall locked the deadbolt on the door. Not letting go of the other boy, he stared him down, brushing aside his hair nervously but not breaking the emerald gaze that pierced the smaller boy. "I don't understand, Carlos. Please, help me understand." He bit his lip, making him look younger and less confident than usual. "I can't help but think your parents are just asses and I hate them for hurting you. For…how long?"

"All my life…" Carlos murmured.

Kendall's eyes widened and his jaw dropped, bushy eyebrows shooting up. "All your…fuck…"

Carlos trembled a little, fidgeting with the gold chain around his neck. "Yeah…" He took a deep breath and tried to collect his scattered thoughts. "There's just so much good. I mean, in my heart I have everything, but…except this one thing…" He sighed a little. "I don't want to give up mi familia…my family. They're not bad people. They're not!"

Kendall held the shaking boy, feeling guilty his stubbornness had brought the subject up again. "I…I know they love you. I can see it whenever your mom smiles at you. Whenever your dad hugs you. You're their little Carlitos." He brushed away the tears trickling down Carlos' cheeks softly. He hated that he was making the shorter boy cry. "But…you're our Carlitos too. And we don't want you to be suffering all the time."

Kendall had always considered himself to be strong. Pig-headed even. Even more so than James. But Carlos was so much stronger. He hugged the smaller boy close, wrapping him in his muscular arm, trying to give the boy the strength to go on. "I know that I shouldn't have asked, but…thanks for answering me."

"No problem," Carlos whispered, nuzzling against Kendall's neck and relaxing against the blonde's solid body. He was feeling all fuzzy and warm in Kendall's arms.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note: Review please! Thanks to everyone who has started to favorite and follow this story.<br>**_


	5. Chapter 5: Marked

**Celerity: Chapter 5 - Marked**

**Author: Malachite**

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine. This story is.**

"The best way to avoid AIDS is to become a good Catholic! Good Catholics are neither homosexual nor bisexual. They view sex as a means for reproduction. They are loyal to their marriage mate."

Carlos' dark brown eyes were wide in shock. He hadn't even been really listening to the priest's sermon until then, so he had no idea where that came from! He clenched his jaw until it hurt. A loud, harsh buzzing filled his ears. He blinked rapidly and squinted when his vision started blurring. Realizing he was holding his breath, he took a slow, deep breath, trying to keep up the appearance that nothing was wrong. After the initial flash of anger and pain, he was feeling oddly empty, as if his heart was missing. Not shattered, or broken, just gone.

His gaze flickered to his wrist. There, peeking out beneath the starched white cuff of his dress shirt was a delicate yet bold cursive lowercase "s". Discretely glancing back and forth to make sure that his parents were thoroughly engaged with watching the priest, he lifted his arm slightly and gently pushed up his sleeve, revealing the rest of the writing. There was a very carefully written, small and neat, yet confident and splashy, signature in deep blue ink: James. A rather blob-shaped heart was drawn in front of it. The pretty boy had tried to draw a giant heart around the entire thing, until Carlos protested.

He remembered why James had drawn it though. "Whenever something goes wrong, whenever life throws crap at you, you can look at my autograph and know that someone loves you…the real you, all of you." It was cheesy, and probably a little weird, but…Carlos understood.

Carlos tugged his sleeve back down, taking a deep breath as he emblazoned the signature and its meaning on his mind. No matter what, James loved him. James promised that he would be okay. Carlos' gaze was trained to the pulpit like the rest of the congregation's, but his mind was definitely elsewhere. The awful buzzing still sounded in his ears, but at least he didn't feel as nauseous. Thankfully, the service finished a few minutes later.

Carlos' parents merrily chatted away with their friends as they walked out of the church. He was thankful that he didn't have to speak. He didn't trust his voice right now. Scanning the parking lot, and trying not to have a look of desperation, he pouted when he didn't see Logan's car. Today was not his lucky day.

The merciless summer sun beat down on the black asphalt. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned his cuffs, pushing up his sleeves a bit in a desperate attempt to cool off and stop sweating so much. His parents had stopped ten feet from the family car, talking animatedly in Spanish and laughing away with their friends. He closed his eyes, shaking his head as sweat trickled down his forehead. He just wanted to go home.

A smooth, muscled arm wrapped around his shoulders, bringing him close to a warm, solid mass. Carlos' eyes shot open. "James?" He blanched as his voice came out more frog-like than he would have hoped for.

James hazel eyes darkened momentarily, but he quickly covered it up as he turned towards the rest of the Garcia family. He flashed his brilliant "star" smile, teeth practically sparkling in the bright sunlight. "Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Garcia! Could Carlos come and grab a pizza with me?"

"Oh, that'd be perfect! We were just making plans with the Corachas here." Mrs. Garcia clasped her hands together and beamed.

"We're going on a double date." Mr. Garcia gave his wife a fond look, before reaching into his pocket and handing Carlos a folded twenty, gently taking the boy's church books from him. He turned towards James, giving him a firm nod. "Just get him back in one piece."

James nodded firmly. "Yes sir! I'll make sure of it." Carlos pouted slightly, as that made any crazy stunts less likely to happen this afternoon. James was supposed to be his partner in crime.

"You have your key Carlitos?" Mrs. Garcia asked, prompting the boy to pat his pockets rapidly, then grin and nod. "Okay then boys, have fun!" She pulled her husband towards the car as James and Carlos started to walk towards the sidewalk.

James rubbed the back of Carlos neck, causing the shorter boy to let out a small little moan as some stress there was released. "Hey, Carlitos, does Mario's sound good? It's kind of hot to walk too far."

Carlos flashed James a bright smile. "That sounds perfect!"

As they turned the corner, James briefly squeezed Carlos' hand in his, a smile tugging at his lips as he saw the blue ink marking the boy's tanned skin.

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note: Review please! Thank you! Hopefully there won't be such a large delay until chapter six, but I don't get motivated to write often...<br>**_


	6. Chapter 6: No Matter What

**Celerity: Chapter 6 – No Matter What**

**Author: Malachite**

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine. This story is. Please review.**

As the boys walked into the pizza parlor a pretty young blonde hostess smiled brightly at them. "Hey there, welcome to Mario's. Two of you?"

James nodded as Carlos inhaled deeply, basking in the delicious smell of real, fresh Italian deliciousness.

"Alright," chirped the blonde girl as she pulled out a couple of menus from her little podium. She motioned them to follow her into the dining area. "Booth or table?"

"Booth!" both boys exclaimed, before turning to each other and grinning. It was great to be with someone who understood you.

"Sure, here ya are. Your server will be by in just a bit." She placed the menus at a nice roomy booth, rushing off to go seat more customers.

Carlos started to sit down, but James caught his hand, entwining their fingers. The pretty boy had a strange glint in his eye that Carlos couldn't place. Carlos looked at James quizzically. "Huh?"

James smiled that heartthrob smile of his, pulling Carlos after him as he slid into the booth. "Sit next to me."

"Oh, uh…okay?" Carlos wrinkled his nose at the somewhat strange request, but shrugged the weirdness off, sliding in next to James. James grinned even brighter, wrapping an arm around Carlos' shoulders and pulling him close. Carlos had to admit, it did feel really nice to be curled up next to James…the boy's solid, warm body made him feel so relaxed. He secretly loved how touchy-feely he could be with the other boy, typical personal boundaries not existing, or at least not mattering. It was normal for them to always be hanging all over each other. Usually James wasn't this close to him in such an obvious way in public though. Carlos bit his lip as he glanced around. Was anyone from his church here? Many people did go out to lunch afterwards.

His worries were derailed as an insanely delicious smell hit his nostrils. He gasped and let out a rather unmanly squeal of pure happiness as a large, steaming basket was slid in front of him. "CHEESE BREADSTICKS! YES!" He grabbed one immediately, dunking it in the convenient marinara sauce and moaning orgasmically, while doing the "Hot, hot!" mouth-open hand-wave. He was starving.

James chuckled and smiled at the perky waitress who had delivered the food. "We'll have a large pepperoni and two cokes."

She glanced from Carlos (now finishing up his second breadstick) to James, eyes narrowing slightly as they traced across James arm still slung over Carlos' shoulders, lips pursing thoughtfully. James simply turned up his smile, combining it with a devastating wink and slight head toss to get his bangs to oh-so-perfectly fall over his forehead. She swooned, giggled, and skipped off to place their order.

"You know, it's almost too easy how you do that." Carlos wiped his saucy fingers with a napkin, giving James a knowing look.

"It's easier that way." James managed to snatch a breadstick for himself, thoughtfully dipping it into the marinara sauce cup as his gaze flickered in the direction that the waitress had gone. "I didn't like how she was looking at you."

"Whatever." Carlos couldn't bother to worry about anything else when there were still two more chewy, garlic-buttery breadsticks dripping with gooey cheese waiting to be inhaled.

James delicately wiped his hands with a napkin, then gently laid a hand on Carlos thigh, squeezing a little. "You're okay sitting this close to me?" he murmured, "People might think we're on some kind of gay date…"

Carlos finished up the last breadstick, then turned to James and smiled brightly. "I know, but…when I'm with you, it's okay. I don't care. I like sitting next to you."

And really, it was that simple. Being with James made him happy. Carlos always did things that made him happy, and wasn't one to think of the consequences of doing so. Sitting next to James in a cozy booth in the dimly-lit rear corner of the restaurant felt natural. When their legs touched, he felt warm and relaxed, like everything was right in the world.

James grinned and ruffled Carlos hair, freeing it from the gel that was slicking it down. "I like sitting next to you too. I'd try sit you in my lap…but there's not a lot of room…and I'd never get any food!"

"Mmm, a whole large pizza just for me." Carlos snickered as James pouted. "Just kidding, I'd never let my best friend starve."

"Aww, thanks man. I'd never let you starve either. I'd share my last dinosaur chicken nugget with you." James paused and looked thoughtful.

Carlos blinked at the other boy going quiet all of a sudden. "You okay man?"

"Yeah, I just…" He shook his head, then blew his bangs out of his eyes. "I just feel like I have to tell you…"

"Tell me what?"

"Carlos…" James placed his hand over the other boys' smaller one. "I'm going to love you no matter what. Kendall and Logan too." He took a deep breath, voice low and rough. "I saw how you looked this morning and…I just feel like you have to know."

Carlos stared up at James as he turned the words over in his head. "No…matter…what?" he whispered, squinting his eyes and looking at the other boy quizzically, as if he couldn't quite grasp the thought.

"No matter what. You'll always have us behind you. You can always rely on me to be there." James nodded firmly.

"No matter what…" Carlos closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief. "No one's said that to me before…" There had always been requirements for his belonging, for people loving him. He knew his parents would definitely act differently towards him if they knew the real him. They would have to.

James took a quick glance around the restaurant, then discretely took Carlos' hand in his and pressed a kiss to it. "I'm really happy you're gay too."

"Huh?" Carlos gawked at James' strange choice of words. "Why?"

"Cause I can be with you like this, and neither of us have to worry about not being straight enough." James grinned as he ruffled Carlos' hair to finish changing it from slicked-down church boy to cute faux-hawked pop star.

Carlos closed his eyes, leaning against James' shoulder and into his touch. "I…like it too."

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><p><em>Author's Note: I triedstarted continuing this chapter to make it longer, but it just seems best like this. All that was written in one night/sitting too…Probably will bring up some angst in the next chapter though._


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